N e X T



Weird way to write a date huh.

This is the beginning. I’ll introduce myself : hey. My name is Javi, short for Javier. I’m 25 years old, I’m brown, I’m skinny, I’m lost. I hope we can get to know each other better soon.

The site says to describe why I’ve chosen to start keeping a blog, so I’ll state it here : my intention by keeping this blog is to survive.

As I’ll write out in the blog posts to come and as the impression you’ll surely get, I am at the end of my rope. I feel like I am standing on the edge of everything, and I wanted to describe what daily life is like here. For who, I can’t say. For me? For you, probably. For anyone who stumbles on these thoughts and feelings and thinks, “whoa, I think I’ve felt like that too. I still feel like that.” Maybe that’s who.

Maybe you’ve never felt the way I do. That’s good. I think it’d be better if not too many people can relate to what I’ll write. Still, I have the distinct impression that maybe some of you out there will, and that makes me sad. If I can make anyone feel like they’re understood, like someone has “got” them and won’t leave them no matter what, then I’ve done a good job.

Hopefully there’ll be brighter posts up ahead. Funny shit! Movies, music, art! Good times with friends and family. Good times with a bae maybe? Better times up ahead. But, this blog will mostly serve to be a document of a deep, years-long existential crisis. I am burning my thoughts and feelings onto paper. Code, rather. I’ll record this moment, the moment in my life when I had to decide whether my life was worth living or not. If you’re there too, you’re not alone. Chances are, if you’ve felt something, confusion, anger, grief, despair, loneliness, I’ve felt it too.

Turns out I feel everything. I remember everything. And I belong N O W H E R E .

If you’re still here, you have my admiration. This will be a strange trip. Let’s set off into the Unknown.

Take care of yourself.


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